Somewhere in the world, two people are falling in love. Elsewhere, a couple is falling out of love. Someone is excited about a first date. Another is deciding whether to go on a second date. Important events are happening everywhere, and it all comes down to attraction. What are the factors affecting attraction?Attraction is one of the defining forces in all of our lives. It impacts how we perceive others and influences how others perceive us. It's also completely unique; every person's definition of attraction differs from the next. In this way, attraction is universal and personal - a worldwide phenomenon tailored to the individual. Why is this?
- We are going to explore the world of attraction. We will begin by discussing the factors affecting attraction in psychology.
- We will discuss the various theories exploring attraction: self-disclosure, physical attractiveness (self-disclosure vs physical attractiveness in psychology), the matching hypothesis, and the filter theory.
- We will then explore similarity as a factor of attraction in psychology. Next, we will discuss some examples of negative self-disclosure.
- Finally, we will aim to understand the most important factor affecting attraction.
Fig. 1 - Different factors can contribute to our attraction levels.
Factors Affecting Attraction: Psychology
Have you ever wondered why you're attracted to the people you are? Different factors affect who you are attracted to throughout your lives. Culture, society, and expectations of what you want from a partner shape who you choose as a partner. So what are these factors affecting attraction in psychology?
Self-Disclosure vs Physical Attractiveness: Psychology
Self-disclosure explores different aspects of attraction when compared to physical attractiveness. It is important to note that it is not an either/or debate but rather two theories exploring what facilitates attraction. We can summarise it as a personality versus beauty debate, respectively, although it's a little bit more complex than that, and self-disclosure explores more than just personality.
Let's understand how self-disclosure and physical attractiveness can affect an individual's attraction to someone else.
Self-Disclosure
What is the first thing you think about when you read the term self-disclosure? Self-disclosure involves sharing information in the process of relationship development. So, how does it tie into attraction?
Self-disclosure is the idea that attraction occurs by sharing information with a partner, information about yourself that you may not feel comfortable sharing with anyone else.
By sharing personal information with another individual, you can show that you trust them and feel secure around them; an important factor which contributes to attraction.
Fig. 2 - Sharing information and feelings can increase attraction and trust.
Self-disclosure leads to greater intimacy, which brings more satisfaction to the relationship. Altman and Taylor (1973) developed this idea with their social penetration theory.
Social penetration theory states that self-disclosure must gradually increase in depth and breadth over time for a relationship to succeed.
According to the social penetration theory, as time passes, an individual must not only share increasingly personal information but also share a larger amount of that information. Self-disclosure can be natural for some people, as sharing personal details while intending to date someone is how relationships progress on a personal level.
At the beginning of the relationship, you might share your favourite colour and food preferences. As time goes on, this information will change, and you might start expressing your inner thoughts and fears about family issues or fear of rejection.
Physical Attractiveness
When you think of physical attractiveness, it's natural to assume that people are attracted to physically good-looking people. However, that's not necessarily the case. Psychologists have theorised that physical attractiveness links to evolutionary needs for survival.
According to some theories, being physically fit means you can evade attackers and indicates health and fertility.
What a partner looks for differs depending on the sex of the individual; for instance, the waist-to-hip ratio is noted as an attractive factor in women for men, and men tend to consider physical appearance as more important than women. Symmetry is also an important component of physical attractiveness.
Women focus more on the financial and physical security a man can provide.
Whether this is due to societal influences or evolution is up for debate, as in certain cultures, men were expected to provide financially, and women were expected to raise children. Over time, this has changed, but is this an evolutionary development or a societal requirement? It's also wise to consider our hunter-gatherer times.
One explanation for physical attractiveness as a factor of attraction is the matching hypothesis.
The Matching Hypothesis
According to Walster et al. (1966), when people choose a partner, they don’t automatically aim for the most attractive person they can find.
According to the matching hypothesis, individuals tend to choose a partner that is similar to them or ‘matching’ in physical attractiveness.
Using this, they can find someone that is equally attractive, giving them a chance at a relationship rather than being in a position where they may get rejected. Walster et al. (1966) tested their hypothesis in their computer dance study, although they did not find much support for it.
People tend to prefer others that are more attractive regardless of personal levels of attraction rather than pursuing those of similar levels of attractiveness.
The Filter Theory
Established by Kerckhoff and Davis (1962), the filter theory is another explanation for attraction and the formation of relationships.
The filter theory states that people narrow down their selection of prospective partners by putting them through a series of filters.
These filters are divided into three categories, namely -
1. Sociodemographic characteristics: these are physical proximity (if they live close to us), age, social class, religion, etc.
2. Similarity of attitudes: this is if prospective partners share the same fundamental beliefs as us, such as if they think family is important.
3. Complementarity: this is when partners have traits that balance each other out. For example, if one partner is very indecisive and the other likes to take charge and make decisions, they complement each other.
Nowadays, individuals may often be in the "talking stage" for a few months - could this be the time it takes to go through the filters of Kerchoff and Davis’ theory?
Fig. 3 - People narrow down their selection of potential partners based on certain filters according to the filter theory.
Similarity Factor of Attraction in Psychology: Filter Theory
Similarity is the second filter in the Filter Theory and is often cited as an important component in the development of relationships, especially at the start.
People tend to reference similar hobbies, preferences, and attitudes as the trigger that prompted the development of an intimate relationship.
For example, meeting a date for dinner. Here, discussions surrounding plans for the future, such as views on children and family, are had. Dates covering important points like this explore and filter out candidates who are not good matches.
If you want children and a potential partner does not, or the potential partner wants to have a large family and values having them involved, whereas you do not, there may be fundamental clashes in attitudes later down the line, which affect relationship outcomes.
Similarity in attitudes is, therefore, an important factor in attraction as it can affect the longevity of relationships.
Evolutionary Factors Affecting Attraction
Evolutionary factors suggest that men and women choose their partners differently. The existence of a difference between men and women results in two different methods being used for mate selection, one for men and one for women. Let's discuss these methods briefly.
- Intersexual Selection: Intersexual selection occurs when one gender makes choices regarding their mate based on specific characteristics of the other gender. Females play a more active role in mate selection here.
- Intrasexual Selection: Intrasexual selection occurs when there is a sense of competition between same-sex members to attract and win the right to mate with a member from the opposite sex. Males dominate mate selection here, and females play a more passive role.
Negative Self-disclosure Examples
While it is important to share how we feel, sharing the positives and the negatives comes with self-disclosure. Let's briefly look at some examples of positive, as well as negative, self-disclosure.
Positive self-disclosure:
"I want to continue my studies and become a clinical psychologist someday," or "I've always dreamed of being an actor."
Negative self-disclosure:
"I'm really struggling with feelings of inadequacy recently," or "I made a mistake when I was younger; I want to share this with you."
Being able to talk about the good and the bad not only helps us understand ourselves better but also helps us communicate effectively with those important to us.
Factors affecting attraction - Key takeaways
- Various factors affect human attraction, and multiple theories have explored specific factors that aid or inhibit the potential development of relationships. Two important factors affecting attraction are self-disclosure and physical attractiveness, which includes the matching hypothesis.
- The filter theory states that people narrow down their selection of prospective partners by putting them through a series of filters.
- The filter theory discusses the following three main filters: sociodemographic characteristics, similarity in attitudes, and complementarity.
- Evolutionary factors of attraction can be divided into intersexual selection and intrasexual selection, which affects the role each sex plays in sexual selection.
- Different factors will hold different levels of importance for everyone, which is why there is not one factor that can be considered the most important. Rather, each factor may play a more or less important role depending on the stage of the relationship.
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